He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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