I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
