Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
