OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
