sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
