I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
