i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
