I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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