I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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