Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
