We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
