I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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