I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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