did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
