she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
