smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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