found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
