Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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