I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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