I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
