It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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