She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
