Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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