Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
