i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
