last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
