I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
