Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
