He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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