He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize