Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
