Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
