You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
