are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
