I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
