i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
