You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize