Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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