I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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