I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
