the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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