don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
