Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
