I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
