I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
