So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
