As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
