Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
