I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
