I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
