Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
