My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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