Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
