that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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