Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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