She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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