Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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